xoJane

"The Answer Is No"

Marianne Kirby at XOJane negatively critiques the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” from a feminist perspective, responding to this positive critique at Persephone Magazine.

So, in the case of the Persephone Magazine piece, I know that “What’s in this drink?” was a common rhetorical question people asked to sort of blur their own responsibility for actions they wanted to take but that weren’t considered proper. But I also know that “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was produced by a culture with a really specifically gendered power dynamic. The culture doesn’t excuse the line. The line reveals something about the culture.

Both responses to the song are thoughtful and worth reading. Personally, I’ve always (where by “always” I mean “since I was old enough to think about such things”) thought that “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was pretty rape-y, which is why my favorite version is this playful one by Over the Rhine, who are happily married.

Cosplay is not a Permission Slip

A lady cosplayer vents about the harassment she gets from men when she dresses up in superhero costumes:

While I had been posing for the wall of photographers in front of me, apparently I had also been posing for the ones behind me.

Contains strong language.

Via XOJane.

Domestic Labor Gender Gap

Sarah Innis of xoJane responds to research suggesting that women find men more sexually attractive when the men do housework:

I know that while my partner wants to live in a clean house, he doesn’t actually want to do the cleaning. I cannot bear to ask him to do chores because, in my experience, a) it sounds like nagging b) it still won’t get done until he is good and ready, which inevitably is long past the time when I am good and ready to see the job completed and c) refer back to “a.”

I remember the pastor who did our premarital counseling telling us we should compete to see which of us could outserve the other.

What to Say If Your Best Friend Tells You She Was Raped

#1 on the list is “Believe Her”:

One out of every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. If you look at that statistic (and we all know how under-reported sexual assault is), is it truly possible that all rapes happen in dark alleys? If it were, we’d be seeing knife-wielding maniacs everywhere.

The terrifying truth is that perpetrators of sexual abuse can be anyone—a family member, a coach, a spouse, a babysitter, a friend—and the scariest thing is, they’re not all evil people. They can be accomplished, otherwise law-abiding citizens who seem perfectly normal. So if your best friend tells you she was raped by a regular guy you both know, you can’t immediately turn away from the idea just because it doesn’t fit your notion of what rape looks like.

"Funny Married People Disagreements"

Great post at xoJane about spouses who work together:

When I know my husband has a lot of work coming up in the next few weeks, I will schedule extra podcasts before he’s swamped, I will edit our webshow on my own, I’ll respond to his emails—I have no problems picking up slack for him, because I understand that my co-worker would do the work if he humanly had the time.

As someone striving to be self-employed and empower my partner to do the same, Gordon’s situation—fraught with potential pitfalls as it may be—sounds delightful.