cell phones

Bihar Village Bans Use of Cell Phones by Women

It’s exactly like it sounds.

I mean, come on, everyone. We all know how bad it is when women talk, right? The elders of this Indian village have bravely decided to limit all that pernicious communication, and it turns out that the final straw came when they realized that cell phones were giving women too much freedom to choose their spouses:

Members of the all-male panchayat (an informal, but respected council of village leaders) justified their ruling by arguing that the reputation of their village has been compromised by the handful of single women who have eloped with their partners as well as some married women who have left their husbands by eloping with their current partners.

So, as a group, women are unhappy enough in their marriages that the village is seeing an epidemic of extramarital affairs and elopements, and their solution is to keep women from talking to anyone? That should totally work.

Bonus Anger Fuel: The final paragraph of the article, where we learn that Indian women get raped because they aren’t sexually satisfied.

1984 in Saudi Arabia

If you happen to be the proud husband father owner of a Saudi Arabian woman, never worry that while your attention is elsewhere (possibly on important business matters or the selection of a younger, better model) said property may develop a will of its own and decide to abscond with what is left of its autonomy. The days when your wives and daughters could just up and run off without your accompaniment or even permission have vanished into the past.

That’s right, my friend: the Saudi government will now, for your convenience, send a text message to your phone promptly informing you when one of your female possessions has left the country, thus enabling you to quickly track down, retrieve, and properly punish the wayward vagina-haver in whatever manner you feel will best prevent further rebellion against your God-given male sovereignty.

To sign up for this convenient service, simply pick up your cell phone and dial 1–800-OH-MY-GOODNESS-I-AM-LOSING-MY-FAITH-IN-HUMANITY.